Unedited Chapter 1 of Stilling the Thunder sequel to Standing in the Eye of the Storm
Chapter 1
The day was cold not to mention the fine mist of rain that fell. Sitting there among family I felt numb, the pain dwelled in my heart was beyond anything that I had ever felt. I was oblivious to everything that surrounded me except for the flag draped casket that lay before me. The piercing sound of the gun salute was the only thing that had caused a reaction from me. Grayson sat with his arm around me as did my own father but I had little thought of anyone supporting me. I felt desperately alone and troubled without any chance of anything being normal again.
Molly sat on my lap unmoving with her blanket wrapped around her. Her long dark hair flowed down her back in rings of curls. With her thumb in her mouth she clung to me and I to her. The child I carried and Molly were my only solace, they were the only part of him I had left, I hadn’t even cried, I couldn’t. I had promised him to take care of the lives entrusted to me. They were precious to him and if I didn’t care for them who would?
I had watched as they removed his body from the horse drawn carriage he had been encased. Landon led the crew of eight officers, their lines straight as arrows as they carried him to his rest. Beth sat unmoving holding their son awaiting her future husband to join her.
I was angry that she had someone to comfort her when Carter was gone. I would never feel him hold me ever again. The guilt consumed me of the very idea; she had lost a brother and Molly her father. I wasn’t the only one suffering even though it’s how I felt. Landon had taken his seat beside her, dressed in his dress blues; he looked stately and sat as straight and tall as an Oak. His emotions lacked but and I knew he was deeply saddened by the loss of his friend, partner and brother-in-law.
The buzz from the overhead P.A. system had awakened me from the thoughts racing through my head. An unfamiliar voice called out as we sat unmoving. This had been part of this arrangement from the department. They did this for all their officers. The lone voice was haunting as it came across the dispatch system.
"All units standby for broadcast," The line popped and cracked then had fell silent. The silence had a lost and eerie feel to it. The few minutes that had passed felt like hours.
The voice broke the air waves once more as they began to speak, "Last call for Carter Blake six, two, nine. Six, Two, Nine. Officer Blake badge six, two, nine, end of watch March 2nd 2013,Officer Blake you’ve completed your mission here. A good friend to all, a loving husband and father, we will remember your warm smile and compassion. You fought the good fight and finished the course, now is the time to rest. All units break for a moment of silence." Again the silence ensued breaking me into tiny pieces. "Carter Elijah Blake may you rest in peace knowing your strength and passion lives on in your children, that your love lives on in your wife and your honor will live on in us all. Officer Blake thank you for your service and ultimate sacrifice, you are clear to secure and remain with the Lord your God in peace. Officer Blake this is your final call.
That was it, all I could take. The silent tears ran down my face uncaring of what others saw. My husband, the love of my life was gone and there was no bringing him back. I would have given anything just for him to tell me everything was going to be okay. His words came back to me as Pastor Conley concluded the service with this.
"Carter had come to me before he married his beautiful wife and spoke to me of some things that he hadn’t been able to understand, but he also told me that in what he had experienced in his life he had tried to accept what God had done or was doing in his life without question. We don’t know why God chose to take such a loving man from his family but like him we must accept it and learn not to question. God knows what is best even though it doesn’t seem so at the time. The hope we have is that we will see him again and never be separated. God bless you my friend, until we are reunited in God’s house."
The guard folded the flag that rested on the casket and brought it to me. I caught a strange sensation as the officer placed it in my hands and the familiar scent of Carter’s cologne rose from this unsettling scene. The I.D. on the officer’s uniform read Davis. It must be my imagination, he can’t be here it’s impossible. Isabella your mind is playing tricks on you. Once he had presented he saluted the family and the casket and took his place at the end of it. The family and friends had begun to file out and I walked up to say goodbye once more. Molly had left with Beth and I was glad to have the time alone with him. Gently I ran my fingers along the edge wishing for one last touch, one last kiss, and one last goodbye.
Paying no attention to the guard at the end I stood there trying to collect what thoughts I had of him before returning with the family. I needed this. "What am I going to do without you," I whispered softly. "Molly misses you already and I know that I will carry you with me all of my life. Why didn’t you say no? Why did you leave me, I can’t do this without you." I dropped to my knees beside the casket.
After two days of showing little emotion the dam broke. Relieved that I was alone except for the lone guard and Peirce who had been gracious enough to keep his distance, I just sat there broken. The chill in the air felt so cold it was if it went to the bone. In the state I was in it had become hard to take a breath. My chest heaved as I poured out all the pain that had been trapped.
My hand lay on the casket and I shook in pain as if someone had stabbed me through the heart. They hadn’t allowed me to see him, to say goodbye. Landon had explained that he was so badly disfigured that I didn’t want to see that, it was better for me and Molly to have a closed casket.
"I love you so much," I had managed to speak through the tears and the knot in my throat never seemed to go away, my hair fell forward against my face like a veil. I Lay my hand on my stomach and ran it across the black lace dress I wore where our son or daughter was growing inside of me.
"What will I tell our baby Carter? How will he ever know his father and how much you loved him?"
A gloved hand assisted me to my feet and into the waiting arms of my brother-in-law. The touch of the strangers hand had brought back the memory of Carter extending his hand to me when we had first met. The kind gesture did not go unnoticed as I turned to thank the guard, his head bowed. He stood silently at the end of the casket with his hands clasped in front of him.
"Thank you," my voice shook as I spoke. His head remained bowed, never saying a word. He shook his head in acknowledgement as we walked away.
Landon stood strong having to almost carry me at times. I was lost without him, totally lost. Landon assisted me into the family car beside Beth. He had arranged for the family to ride in Limos so they could be together. I just wanted to be alone.
"Bella I have to take care of something, I’ll be back." After assuring that Beth the children and I were settled he returned to the grave site. All I could think of was going home.
"You’re lucky she didn’t recognize you," Landon huffed.
"I made sure to cover my tracks."
"Carter you could jeopardize the whole mission."
"I can’t leave my wife. Can’t you see how fragile she is?"
"If you’re not careful the next one will be for real." Landon looked at Carter with great distress. "You could potentially risk her life, your babies and your own." Carter never uttered a word nor did he move an inch. "You’ve never been careless before."
"It’s never involved my wife and children before," his voice low and harsh, his tone agitated. "Look at her Landon. She hasn’t slept or eaten the last few days."
"I promised you I’d take care of her. The quicker we get Arnell Andrews behind bars the better off we will all be. Until then you’re going to follow orders.
"How’s Beth?"
"She hasn’t spoken since she was told," without further prompting Landon continues. "Your mother is a mess; your father hasn’t had a chance to fall apart. Molly cries herself to sleep, she doesn’t understand and Isabella, I can’t do anything with. She sits in the bedroom with your picture and a shirt."
Carter grinned as it had brought back some good memories, "The shirt has a little history to it."
"Well Grayson and her parents are trying but nothing seems to help her."
Carter took a deep breath, "I knew this would never work. My wife runs the risk after all she has been through of losing our baby, she doesn’t need the added stress. It isn’t worth putting my family through this."
"You stay put. I have enough with them and J.C. without having to worry about you following orders."
"J.C.?"
"He’s a basket case. He thinks it’s his fault. He has threatened to leave the force."
"You promise me this," Carter’s jaw clenched. "If Bella has problems with the baby I want you pull the plug on this."
"You know I don’t have the authority to do that."
"I don’t care if Brooks likes it or not, get me out. I won’t let her go through it alone."
"Fine, I’ll take care of it; in the mean time take care of yourself. Bella wouldn’t be happy if she knew you hadn’t, I’ll keep in touch."
"Just dismiss me they’re watching."
Landon stood stiffly and saluted, dismissing him."
Reaching home I retreated to the bedroom as the mourners gathered. I wanted nothing to do with company of any kind. Being tired and emotionally spent wasn’t all that affected me, my soul ached for him. I lay quietly running my hand over the space where he would have lain. His cologne still remained on the pillow and the shirt he had worn and had offered to me. I gripped them to my chest and cried but there was barely tears left to cry. My eyes were red and sore and my body ached from lack of sleep, I felt limp and lifeless.
I could remember flashes of him, his smile, and his laugh. "Isabella you certainly know how to unravel a man," I had heard his voice echo in the room. My grief consumed me as I lay thinking of him.
I could still feel his hands on my body and the warmth of his embrace. This is unreal, it just couldn’t be possible. We were celebrating the future arrival of our child. In the short time he knew; he had planned the nursery down to the last nail. Now he wouldn’t be here to see his child, how cruel was that for a child to never know its father."
Curling into a tight ball I grabbed my knees. My mind and heart ravaged with pain as I began to pray. My words would barely form. Pl, please’ It hurts. Please make it st.., stop. Pl, please help me," my voice whispered.
"Isabella, can I come in," the baritone voice of Grayson was unmistakable. I lay still not answering. He continued in and turned on the desk lamp where Carter had written reports and Bills at times. His personal belongings remained in a bag never opened. His wallet, watch, firearm and shoes were untouched from the time they had been brought home.
Listening to his footsteps against the wood floor the distance closed between us. My back remained turned to him as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"I know your awake, do you want to talk?"
I shook my head and he continued to sit there.
"I know that you miss him and that you’re hurting, nothing can compare to what you must be feeling. I want to thank you for the joy you gave him. He waited a long time for you. He had told me once after Andrea had passed that when God wanted him to have someone new in his life he would present them to him. He called me the night of your first date. I couldn’t believe how thrilled my grown son was about going out with you. He told me about how he planned to have a horse drawn carriage to take you both for a drive along the coast. You would have thought it was Christmas morning and he was five years old," he laughed. "He even called and told me when he was going to propose. He wanted us there, all of us. In October he came home and had his mother go ring shopping with him. Iris came home crying and laughing at the same time, telling me, He loves her Grayson, he loves her. I really thought that reaction had topped it all until he called and told us about the baby. My boy was on cloud nine. He wanted so much to have a child with you. I don’t think I had ever heard him so happy."
My bottom lip quivered as the tears gently fell against my cheeks. Turning I sat up in the bed and looked at Grayson. He was trying to hide the pain but it had shown all over his face.
"I loved him Pop."
"I know you did honey."
Reaching for me I clung to him sobbing. In the length of time I had known Carter’s dad I had for the first time saw the love and compassion he had for his son. Gently he patted my back in an attempt to comfort me. "He loved you and these babies."
My heart burned and ached, my throat was sore and I wondered if I were going to take my next breath. Grayson had taught his son such loving gestures. He sat and cradled me like I were a child allowing me to cry, his cheek rested against my face wet from his own tears. "We’ll make it honey; together we’re going to make it."
Later that evening after everyone had left my parents and Carter’s remained. I had left the bedroom only briefly to check on Molly and found her curled up in my father’s lap holding onto a book. She lay in a restless sleep as my father rocked her. "If it were as easy with you," he sighed. "I’m here for you too you know." I squeezed his shoulder and bent to kiss him on the cheek. My parents and Grayson sat in the living room trying to make sense of it all. Iris had went to bed, the doctor had given Grayson tranquilizers for her in which now she needed to survive this nightmare. I myself was now living in a bottle, I rarely had taken anything over the past month but now I needed something. I wasn’t sure if it were safe to take what I had since I had found out that I was pregnant. I was going to have to tuff it out. I couldn’t take a chance on something happening to his child.
The night was long as I lay there next to the empty spot where he had once lain beside me. Our room felt cold along with our bed. After laying there for three hours unable to sleep, I walked into the bath and turned on the water to the garden tub. Pouring Lavender oil into the bath I was hoping it would relax me enough so that I would finally be able to sleep. Stepping into the bath I sunk into the water closing my eyes and taking in the aroma of the oils mixed with steam and water. I thought of the time I had went to the station to tell him that I was pregnant. He had gone into a spill about going to see the precincts physician, the physician running test and finding nothing. He looked at me and I had wondered if he were angry with me. I knew then that he knew about the baby. Sitting petrified he had asked me, Is there anything you want to tell me?
It had brought a laugh and a crying jag as I had remembered his grin when he found he was a father again.
We had talked about the nursery and what we were going to do with it, where it would be and when he would buy the crib, we had decided not to buy a crib until a month before the birth. Not because we didn’t want to be ready, but he knew that it was possible that there could be problems and he didn’t want me to have to look at it if something happened.
He had teased me about some baby names, and some were really out there. I knew one thing for sure; if it were a boy he would bare his father’s name in some form. Carter or Elijah one of them would be his name. A daughter was another story, I had no idea. It was early and it wasn’t good to name a child until you knew if you were going to be able to carry it. I was going to do all that I could to ensure that this child would be born and was healthy. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone else I loved.
I had sat in the water so long that my hands and fingers had puckered. Taking the towel from the rack I stood before the mirror and looked at my body. It didn’t appear to be any different than before but there was a child in there, Carter’s child. After drying off I took his shirt and put it on leaving the last few buttons unfastened enough to view my belly. Rubbing it slowly I spoke to my unborn child.
"Well, look at you, your daddy would have been so happy if he had been here. He loves you, do you know that? He wanted so much to hold you and to kiss your little face. When I told him he was so happy. He started planning your room and talked about how he was going to take you to ball games and fishing. It didn’t matter if you were a boy or girl he would have done the same." Tears fell and I pushed them back with the back of my hand. "I love you to, mommy loves you so much. You hang in there, okay? Things are going to get better for us I promise. You have Pop, Nan, Granpa and Mim to love you, Uncle Landon and Beth will be there for you to. We’ll be fine." Trying to reassure myself wasn’t helping much but I had to try to get myself together I had children to think of.
The weeks had passed and I was no better off than I had been from the time he had been killed. The only difference was that the days and nights had both had gotten longer and more unbearable. Grayson and Iris had wanted me to shut the house up and move in with them until at least the birth of the baby but I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving when this was where we had lived. This is where Carter was for me, the only other place that had existed was the cabin in Tennessee where we had spent a weekend together. My mind would not let go of the fact that he was gone. I had reminders of him everywhere. Pictures of us together while we were in Tennessee and on our wedding day and others of just Carter and Molly together were scattered about our home. I had been in the desk recently and found pictures of Andrea and Carter together. He had them wrapped in a stack of old cards and letters that had been carefully preserved. The last thing I had found was an envelope addressed to Molly. I had assumed it was from her mother, it remained sealed and I never bothered to open it.
I had started back to work and most days I walked around in a stupor more of a robot than a person. The only saving grace to it was that it did keep my mind occupied while I was there. It had been a month since Carter had died and no one mentioned a word about it, well except for Marilyn who always seemed to drawl her fingers down the chalk board. I had thought of a couple of things in the time period that had passed. My life needed a change; I needed to do something to make his death so meaningless.
I had spoken to Gus a couple of times and he had talked over a couple of things with me. He had advised me not to make a snap decision based on what had happened and I took it to heart. I had still frequented the academy for self defense and the firing range. It had made perfectly good sense to me but then I needed a little more time to think a few more things through.
After one of the first full days I had put in I walked into the house followed by Peirce. Quentin had become a fixture for me and the house, he still followed me everywhere. He was my age or there about anyway, slim build and fairly good looking, you would think he would have some kind of social life outside of this job. He was average height and build, solid as a rock with a no nonsense personality. He wore his copper color hair in a military cut and had dark brown eyes. He had kept his distance with me which was fine it’s the way I had wanted it.
When he had seen Landon there with Molly and Beth he turned to say goodbye and saw himself out. He was a man of few words and I liked that, the more time to be alone the better. It gave the time I needed to reflect on things. Beth had shortly made their leave and it left me with both sets of parents and Landon. For some reason they felt they needed to stay with me. Each night I would read to Molly and tuck her in as usual and kissing her good night and tonight had been no different.
I was so tired and I needed to get to bed. I had said goodnight to both sets of parents as they made their way to the other bedrooms. Landon had gone in to lay down on the couch as I walked into the bedroom. It had reminded me of the first night I had stayed with Carter bringing back those raw emotions of loss once more. All I had were memories and I had to get use to it.
Laying down I reached across the bed to where Carter had once been and turned off the light. It wasn’t going to take long to go to sleep. Regardless of the emotional roller coaster I was on, my body was not going to allow me to be awake for long. This would be one of the few times I wouldn’t be crying myself to sleep.
"Get him out of the way before he gets killed," the voice shouted. Carter stood at the doorjamb hunkered down almost to the floor with rapid fire around him. "Radio us some help or we’re all going to die." Running feet scurried away and a voice called over the radio for assistance at a makeshift warehouse in the downtown area. A shot was fired and Carter had jumped back against the frame. Reloading he hadn’t stood a chance from the shooter. As he had kicked the magazine the shot pierced his chest and a second to the side of his face. "Isabella run," he had screamed.
"Carter," I screamed, sitting straight up in bed panting like I had been in a race. I could still see his face and the blood running down his body even after I had awakened. I clutched his pillow to my chest trying to regain some control of my breathing which had become erratic and strained. My hair was wet and my clothes felt damp. Landon burst through the door followed by both sets of parents.
Landon ran to me and pulled his cell from his pocket. I couldn’t understand what was going on until I looked down at myself and the bed. "I need an ambulance at Blue Ridge Avenue. I have a woman approximately 12 weeks pregnant……I don’t know just get some one here now." Looking down I sat in a pool of blood. There was excruciating pain; in shock at what I was seeing. What was happening to me?
"Isabella, look at me," Landon coaxed me. "Hey, Bella," he patted my face until he had my attention. "You need to lay down, okay?" He assists me to lie down, "Let me help you." The rest of the family had left but Grayson. Landon had insisted on him helping having him get extra pillows and a blanket. "Isabella I need you to take some deep breaths and let me deal with this. Don’t get upset okay? I need to prop you feet up, it may not be comfortable but we need to do this." Taking my feet he holds them with one hand and places a stack of pillows under them.
"Landon please help me; please don’t let me lose this baby."
"Don’t worry I’m not going to let that happen. Close your eyes and relax for me. Grayson go see if the squad is here and let them in."
"Oh, Carter help me, Where are you? I need you," I cried and couldn’t stop.
The ambulance crew rumbled their way through the room and over to me. I couldn’t remember much more other than Landon picking me up and placing me on the cot. "I’m going with her."
"Are you the father?"
"For now, I ‘am."
As far out as I was I thought that a little strange. He followed close by me holding my hand. He pulled his cell from his pocket and quickly dialed. "Get Brooks, Now," I’d heard him shout. The ride was bumpy but I was in and out from whatever they had given me. "Donavan pull the plug…..I don’t have time to explain…… I’m on my way to the hospital with Isabella….Bad enough… Look you promised me…. We’re a brotherhood here. Pull it or I will….. I don’t care if you are….This effects more than one life…" He clapped the cell shut and run his hand across his face. "Hang in there Bella we’re almost there."
"Carter," my voice was barely above a whisper as I drifted in and out.
Landon patted my hand and kissed the top of it. "Hang in there Bella."
It was morning before I realized what was going on. I awoke to find myself on the maternity ward with Landon sitting in the chair next to me, his head resting against his propped arm and his other holding to my hand. I felt weak and tired; my hand that rested in Landon’s was white as the sheet that it lay against.
"Landon?"
He stirred and looked down at me. "Bella."
"The baby, what happened?"
"It’s okay, the baby’s okay. Just rest okay? They’re coming to do another ultrasound in a few minutes."
I drifted off into darkness once more not awakening until I found myself in a dark room with Landon and a technician. I could hear the clatter of movements behind me. There was another doctor there other than my own. He was shrouded in darkness and never spoke as Dr. Carley explained to Landon what he was looking at.
"Isabella. Just in time, look at this honey," Landon gushed at me.
Dr. Carley pointed to the space in the storm of white and gray waves. "See that? That is your baby. There’s its little heart. See it beating?" She moved the wand around a little as Landon and I watched the screen the second doctor also watched intently. Standing almost to the head of the exam table he doesn’t move. "Isabella, I hope you don’t mind, I asked Dr. Jeffers to stand in. He is in his internship here."
"No I don’t mind," I manage.
"Would you like to know the sex? We might be able to find out today if you want."
"I don’t know."
"Come on Isabella," Landon smiled over at me. "It’ll be good for you to know."
"Landon I don’t want you to think I’m cold hearted but I don’t think I want to know yet. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to carry this baby."
"Sure, I understand," his expression darkened
"I can record it for a later date if you like, if you decide later you want to know I can tell you," Dr Carley smiled down at me.
"Would you like for me to print out a picture?"
"Yes, I would like that. Thank you"
The second doctor cleared his throat and walked from the room. Landon remained watching the screen then over to me. "It’s going to be okay," he reassured. "I need to make a couple of calls, to let the parents know what’s happening and the office. I’ll meet you in the room." Bending down he kissed me on the forehead and left leaving me with Dr. Carley."
"He seems to be a happy daddy."
"That’s my brother-in-law. My husband died a couple of weeks ago; he was killed in the line of duty."
"Oh, I’m sorry."
"It’s okay, I’m trying to get use to the fact he isn’t here. Landon has been good to me, I don’t know what I would do without him."
"Sure you don’t want to know what you’re having."
I thought for a moment then I decided there was no harm in knowing. Carter would have been happy either way. She finished examining me and I was soon ready to return to my room.
"I thought I told you to stay put until I could get this resolved."
"Landon that is my wife and child in there, I deserve to be here with them."
"I’m doing my best with Brooks but you’re going to have to lay low like it or not. It’s dangerous"
Carter ran his hand through his hair after removing the surgical cap. He was dressed in scrubs, grown a beard and was wearing glasses. "You’re lucky no one has recognized you. You have to leave before someone sees you especially your wife."
"How’s she doing, really?"
"She’s okay for now. She gave me a pretty bad scare last night. I thought for sure she had miscarried. The doctor has put her on bed rest and has given her some mild sedatives to help her sleep."
"This has got to end," Carter clenched his fists at his sides. "There has to be a way out of this."
"Right now the only way out is to catch Arnell and put him away for good."
Carter, frustrated turned his back when he saw another intern walk to the area. He ran his hands through his hair now cut more in a military cut. "I need to be with my family. I could have lost my wife and child last night. Nothing is more important to me than them."
"I’ll try to work something out but for now you need to go back into hiding until he tries to come after Bella. You don’t have to worry. Peirce is still guarding her and what time he isn’t there, I am. She’s safe. Grayson has his own security team on her just because of your death. He’s fearful for them and has been there with her himself since. He knows how to handle a firearm believe me."
"Just make sure you take care of them, I can’t lose them."
"I took care of your sister, entrust me with them. I promise they will be taken care of. You better take off while you can. I’ll talk to you later."
The tech wheeled me out of the ultrasound with my picture in hand. As they wheel me out I see Landon standing outside the door with the intern standing beside him with his back to me. I can smell Carters cologne and I study the man that stands with his back to me carefully. His hair is dark and short and his shoulders broad. Looking at him he stands with his hand is propped against the wall the other bares the gleam of a gold band he wore on his left hand. He carefully placed his hand into the pocket of his scrubs and had looked down. It couldn’t be, at the funeral and now here. I had to get over this, he was gone.
"Landon," I reached for him and the intern walked away.
"I called the parents they will be in to see you later. I’ll bring Beth over later if you’re feeling up to it," he held my hand trying to comfort me and smiled.
"Wait, wait. Landon, something isn’t right."
"What do you mean? Are you having pain?"
"No, I mean there is something that doesn’t fit. It’s Carter, I feel like he is here. I felt it at the funeral and I feel it here."
His smile fell as he continued to hold my hand as we continued down the hall to my room. "Isabella you and I both know that he isn’t here. It isn’t possible."
"I smell his cologne Landon."
"It’s just cologne Isabella, dozens of men wear it."
"Not this one. I bought it for him for Christmas. It was made for him from a perfumery in Paris, it’s unique."
"Isabella,"
He’s at a loss of words and shakes his head. I know I’ve knocked him off his axis. He keeps his cool and I’m not sure if it is me. Maybe it is my imagination, I was there when they brought him in, and then again I was kept from seeing him. Landon had explained that and he had given me no cause to doubt what he had told me.
"Never mind," I waved my hand as to dismiss what I’ve said and what I’m thinking. It wasn’t possible, he was right.
"Why don’t you try to rest before the parents come in to see you? I’ll sit with you for a while until they get here. The baby’s fine that’s what’s important and you need to start eating and sleeping. Molly needs you home, she misses her mother. Close your eyes."
"Landon,"
"Ut,… Close them. That’s an order Mrs. Blake."
"Okay, Sergeant Mason," I grumbled as I closed my eyes and he chuckled.
"Behave yourself and follow orders."
I lay there quietly but I couldn’t go to sleep. My eyes remained closed and I listened to Landon’s breaths as he sat beside the bed. I knew he was watching I could feel his eyes on me as I rested. At least I had him to watch over me but he should have been home with Beth. Not that the alternative was better. Peirce would have been here sitting; over the last few weeks he had become my shadow. He took me everywhere, to the store, to work and doctor appointments. It was getting to be a common thing. You would have thought we were married. He stayed close at all times unless Landon was there then he would take time off. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Peirce, he had to be excellent at what he did or Carter wouldn’t have assigned him to security detail for his family. I wasn’t sure why he still hung around but Landon had insisted that he remained. I never knew where he stayed when he wasn’t in the house with me. He always knew my every move and was ready when I was going out the door for anything. I felt like I was being stalked. I lay there remembering the last thing he said to me that night and it broke my heart all over again. I want you to promise me something? I want you to promise me no matter what happens that you take care of yourself and the two children. It’s very important that you do that for me. I could still see him as he had spoken those words to me. I was so angry with him, he left me that night and I was still angry with him. I was never able to tell him that I was sorry. His voice echoed in my head. This is it angel, I’ll keep in contact somehow. Don’t worry, okay?" Everything will be alright I promise you. I love you. I could still hear his feet clicking on the tile floor as he had walked away.
The creak of the rocking chair beside me slowly soothed me to sleep as I lay remembering dark blue eyes and unruly dark hair. I could imagine him wrapped around me and his breath against me and his fingers laced through mine. Seeing him in my dreams, just being able to see him to touch him and talk to him just for a moment brought so much happiness for me. For that short amount of time I was there with him. I heard his laugh and felt his hand in mine.
Landon’s voice was muted as I tried to awaken. He spoke low attempting not to awaken me. I seemed to be so tired but I struggled to get awake. I could hear his shoes click off the tile as he paced the floor and talk to whoever happened to be on the other end of the line.
"I know but you can’t...... Ok….. Doing fine for now, I’m staying here until the parents come. Quentin will be here somewhere on duty after I leave……He doesn’t normally……..She doesn’t mind she knows things are delicate……..No….. I know but it can’t happen now……"
Turning over in the bed I see him pacing holding a cup of coffee in one hand and the cell in the other. When he turns he sees I’m waking and cuts his conversation short. "I have to go……Yeah…..Later."
He closed the cell and placed it in his jacket pocket, as he does I notice he’s wearing his holster. "Hey Izzy, your awake." He took his seat by the bed and sat down taking my hand as I tried to awaken, it wasn’t easy.
"Did they give me something," I asked him in a gravelly voice.
"No, you were just tired. You haven’t slept much; it’s catching up with you. Everything is fine."
The day was cold not to mention the fine mist of rain that fell. Sitting there among family I felt numb, the pain dwelled in my heart was beyond anything that I had ever felt. I was oblivious to everything that surrounded me except for the flag draped casket that lay before me. The piercing sound of the gun salute was the only thing that had caused a reaction from me. Grayson sat with his arm around me as did my own father but I had little thought of anyone supporting me. I felt desperately alone and troubled without any chance of anything being normal again.
Molly sat on my lap unmoving with her blanket wrapped around her. Her long dark hair flowed down her back in rings of curls. With her thumb in her mouth she clung to me and I to her. The child I carried and Molly were my only solace, they were the only part of him I had left, I hadn’t even cried, I couldn’t. I had promised him to take care of the lives entrusted to me. They were precious to him and if I didn’t care for them who would?
I had watched as they removed his body from the horse drawn carriage he had been encased. Landon led the crew of eight officers, their lines straight as arrows as they carried him to his rest. Beth sat unmoving holding their son awaiting her future husband to join her.
I was angry that she had someone to comfort her when Carter was gone. I would never feel him hold me ever again. The guilt consumed me of the very idea; she had lost a brother and Molly her father. I wasn’t the only one suffering even though it’s how I felt. Landon had taken his seat beside her, dressed in his dress blues; he looked stately and sat as straight and tall as an Oak. His emotions lacked but and I knew he was deeply saddened by the loss of his friend, partner and brother-in-law.
The buzz from the overhead P.A. system had awakened me from the thoughts racing through my head. An unfamiliar voice called out as we sat unmoving. This had been part of this arrangement from the department. They did this for all their officers. The lone voice was haunting as it came across the dispatch system.
"All units standby for broadcast," The line popped and cracked then had fell silent. The silence had a lost and eerie feel to it. The few minutes that had passed felt like hours.
The voice broke the air waves once more as they began to speak, "Last call for Carter Blake six, two, nine. Six, Two, Nine. Officer Blake badge six, two, nine, end of watch March 2nd 2013,Officer Blake you’ve completed your mission here. A good friend to all, a loving husband and father, we will remember your warm smile and compassion. You fought the good fight and finished the course, now is the time to rest. All units break for a moment of silence." Again the silence ensued breaking me into tiny pieces. "Carter Elijah Blake may you rest in peace knowing your strength and passion lives on in your children, that your love lives on in your wife and your honor will live on in us all. Officer Blake thank you for your service and ultimate sacrifice, you are clear to secure and remain with the Lord your God in peace. Officer Blake this is your final call.
That was it, all I could take. The silent tears ran down my face uncaring of what others saw. My husband, the love of my life was gone and there was no bringing him back. I would have given anything just for him to tell me everything was going to be okay. His words came back to me as Pastor Conley concluded the service with this.
"Carter had come to me before he married his beautiful wife and spoke to me of some things that he hadn’t been able to understand, but he also told me that in what he had experienced in his life he had tried to accept what God had done or was doing in his life without question. We don’t know why God chose to take such a loving man from his family but like him we must accept it and learn not to question. God knows what is best even though it doesn’t seem so at the time. The hope we have is that we will see him again and never be separated. God bless you my friend, until we are reunited in God’s house."
The guard folded the flag that rested on the casket and brought it to me. I caught a strange sensation as the officer placed it in my hands and the familiar scent of Carter’s cologne rose from this unsettling scene. The I.D. on the officer’s uniform read Davis. It must be my imagination, he can’t be here it’s impossible. Isabella your mind is playing tricks on you. Once he had presented he saluted the family and the casket and took his place at the end of it. The family and friends had begun to file out and I walked up to say goodbye once more. Molly had left with Beth and I was glad to have the time alone with him. Gently I ran my fingers along the edge wishing for one last touch, one last kiss, and one last goodbye.
Paying no attention to the guard at the end I stood there trying to collect what thoughts I had of him before returning with the family. I needed this. "What am I going to do without you," I whispered softly. "Molly misses you already and I know that I will carry you with me all of my life. Why didn’t you say no? Why did you leave me, I can’t do this without you." I dropped to my knees beside the casket.
After two days of showing little emotion the dam broke. Relieved that I was alone except for the lone guard and Peirce who had been gracious enough to keep his distance, I just sat there broken. The chill in the air felt so cold it was if it went to the bone. In the state I was in it had become hard to take a breath. My chest heaved as I poured out all the pain that had been trapped.
My hand lay on the casket and I shook in pain as if someone had stabbed me through the heart. They hadn’t allowed me to see him, to say goodbye. Landon had explained that he was so badly disfigured that I didn’t want to see that, it was better for me and Molly to have a closed casket.
"I love you so much," I had managed to speak through the tears and the knot in my throat never seemed to go away, my hair fell forward against my face like a veil. I Lay my hand on my stomach and ran it across the black lace dress I wore where our son or daughter was growing inside of me.
"What will I tell our baby Carter? How will he ever know his father and how much you loved him?"
A gloved hand assisted me to my feet and into the waiting arms of my brother-in-law. The touch of the strangers hand had brought back the memory of Carter extending his hand to me when we had first met. The kind gesture did not go unnoticed as I turned to thank the guard, his head bowed. He stood silently at the end of the casket with his hands clasped in front of him.
"Thank you," my voice shook as I spoke. His head remained bowed, never saying a word. He shook his head in acknowledgement as we walked away.
Landon stood strong having to almost carry me at times. I was lost without him, totally lost. Landon assisted me into the family car beside Beth. He had arranged for the family to ride in Limos so they could be together. I just wanted to be alone.
"Bella I have to take care of something, I’ll be back." After assuring that Beth the children and I were settled he returned to the grave site. All I could think of was going home.
"You’re lucky she didn’t recognize you," Landon huffed.
"I made sure to cover my tracks."
"Carter you could jeopardize the whole mission."
"I can’t leave my wife. Can’t you see how fragile she is?"
"If you’re not careful the next one will be for real." Landon looked at Carter with great distress. "You could potentially risk her life, your babies and your own." Carter never uttered a word nor did he move an inch. "You’ve never been careless before."
"It’s never involved my wife and children before," his voice low and harsh, his tone agitated. "Look at her Landon. She hasn’t slept or eaten the last few days."
"I promised you I’d take care of her. The quicker we get Arnell Andrews behind bars the better off we will all be. Until then you’re going to follow orders.
"How’s Beth?"
"She hasn’t spoken since she was told," without further prompting Landon continues. "Your mother is a mess; your father hasn’t had a chance to fall apart. Molly cries herself to sleep, she doesn’t understand and Isabella, I can’t do anything with. She sits in the bedroom with your picture and a shirt."
Carter grinned as it had brought back some good memories, "The shirt has a little history to it."
"Well Grayson and her parents are trying but nothing seems to help her."
Carter took a deep breath, "I knew this would never work. My wife runs the risk after all she has been through of losing our baby, she doesn’t need the added stress. It isn’t worth putting my family through this."
"You stay put. I have enough with them and J.C. without having to worry about you following orders."
"J.C.?"
"He’s a basket case. He thinks it’s his fault. He has threatened to leave the force."
"You promise me this," Carter’s jaw clenched. "If Bella has problems with the baby I want you pull the plug on this."
"You know I don’t have the authority to do that."
"I don’t care if Brooks likes it or not, get me out. I won’t let her go through it alone."
"Fine, I’ll take care of it; in the mean time take care of yourself. Bella wouldn’t be happy if she knew you hadn’t, I’ll keep in touch."
"Just dismiss me they’re watching."
Landon stood stiffly and saluted, dismissing him."
Reaching home I retreated to the bedroom as the mourners gathered. I wanted nothing to do with company of any kind. Being tired and emotionally spent wasn’t all that affected me, my soul ached for him. I lay quietly running my hand over the space where he would have lain. His cologne still remained on the pillow and the shirt he had worn and had offered to me. I gripped them to my chest and cried but there was barely tears left to cry. My eyes were red and sore and my body ached from lack of sleep, I felt limp and lifeless.
I could remember flashes of him, his smile, and his laugh. "Isabella you certainly know how to unravel a man," I had heard his voice echo in the room. My grief consumed me as I lay thinking of him.
I could still feel his hands on my body and the warmth of his embrace. This is unreal, it just couldn’t be possible. We were celebrating the future arrival of our child. In the short time he knew; he had planned the nursery down to the last nail. Now he wouldn’t be here to see his child, how cruel was that for a child to never know its father."
Curling into a tight ball I grabbed my knees. My mind and heart ravaged with pain as I began to pray. My words would barely form. Pl, please’ It hurts. Please make it st.., stop. Pl, please help me," my voice whispered.
"Isabella, can I come in," the baritone voice of Grayson was unmistakable. I lay still not answering. He continued in and turned on the desk lamp where Carter had written reports and Bills at times. His personal belongings remained in a bag never opened. His wallet, watch, firearm and shoes were untouched from the time they had been brought home.
Listening to his footsteps against the wood floor the distance closed between us. My back remained turned to him as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"I know your awake, do you want to talk?"
I shook my head and he continued to sit there.
"I know that you miss him and that you’re hurting, nothing can compare to what you must be feeling. I want to thank you for the joy you gave him. He waited a long time for you. He had told me once after Andrea had passed that when God wanted him to have someone new in his life he would present them to him. He called me the night of your first date. I couldn’t believe how thrilled my grown son was about going out with you. He told me about how he planned to have a horse drawn carriage to take you both for a drive along the coast. You would have thought it was Christmas morning and he was five years old," he laughed. "He even called and told me when he was going to propose. He wanted us there, all of us. In October he came home and had his mother go ring shopping with him. Iris came home crying and laughing at the same time, telling me, He loves her Grayson, he loves her. I really thought that reaction had topped it all until he called and told us about the baby. My boy was on cloud nine. He wanted so much to have a child with you. I don’t think I had ever heard him so happy."
My bottom lip quivered as the tears gently fell against my cheeks. Turning I sat up in the bed and looked at Grayson. He was trying to hide the pain but it had shown all over his face.
"I loved him Pop."
"I know you did honey."
Reaching for me I clung to him sobbing. In the length of time I had known Carter’s dad I had for the first time saw the love and compassion he had for his son. Gently he patted my back in an attempt to comfort me. "He loved you and these babies."
My heart burned and ached, my throat was sore and I wondered if I were going to take my next breath. Grayson had taught his son such loving gestures. He sat and cradled me like I were a child allowing me to cry, his cheek rested against my face wet from his own tears. "We’ll make it honey; together we’re going to make it."
Later that evening after everyone had left my parents and Carter’s remained. I had left the bedroom only briefly to check on Molly and found her curled up in my father’s lap holding onto a book. She lay in a restless sleep as my father rocked her. "If it were as easy with you," he sighed. "I’m here for you too you know." I squeezed his shoulder and bent to kiss him on the cheek. My parents and Grayson sat in the living room trying to make sense of it all. Iris had went to bed, the doctor had given Grayson tranquilizers for her in which now she needed to survive this nightmare. I myself was now living in a bottle, I rarely had taken anything over the past month but now I needed something. I wasn’t sure if it were safe to take what I had since I had found out that I was pregnant. I was going to have to tuff it out. I couldn’t take a chance on something happening to his child.
The night was long as I lay there next to the empty spot where he had once lain beside me. Our room felt cold along with our bed. After laying there for three hours unable to sleep, I walked into the bath and turned on the water to the garden tub. Pouring Lavender oil into the bath I was hoping it would relax me enough so that I would finally be able to sleep. Stepping into the bath I sunk into the water closing my eyes and taking in the aroma of the oils mixed with steam and water. I thought of the time I had went to the station to tell him that I was pregnant. He had gone into a spill about going to see the precincts physician, the physician running test and finding nothing. He looked at me and I had wondered if he were angry with me. I knew then that he knew about the baby. Sitting petrified he had asked me, Is there anything you want to tell me?
It had brought a laugh and a crying jag as I had remembered his grin when he found he was a father again.
We had talked about the nursery and what we were going to do with it, where it would be and when he would buy the crib, we had decided not to buy a crib until a month before the birth. Not because we didn’t want to be ready, but he knew that it was possible that there could be problems and he didn’t want me to have to look at it if something happened.
He had teased me about some baby names, and some were really out there. I knew one thing for sure; if it were a boy he would bare his father’s name in some form. Carter or Elijah one of them would be his name. A daughter was another story, I had no idea. It was early and it wasn’t good to name a child until you knew if you were going to be able to carry it. I was going to do all that I could to ensure that this child would be born and was healthy. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone else I loved.
I had sat in the water so long that my hands and fingers had puckered. Taking the towel from the rack I stood before the mirror and looked at my body. It didn’t appear to be any different than before but there was a child in there, Carter’s child. After drying off I took his shirt and put it on leaving the last few buttons unfastened enough to view my belly. Rubbing it slowly I spoke to my unborn child.
"Well, look at you, your daddy would have been so happy if he had been here. He loves you, do you know that? He wanted so much to hold you and to kiss your little face. When I told him he was so happy. He started planning your room and talked about how he was going to take you to ball games and fishing. It didn’t matter if you were a boy or girl he would have done the same." Tears fell and I pushed them back with the back of my hand. "I love you to, mommy loves you so much. You hang in there, okay? Things are going to get better for us I promise. You have Pop, Nan, Granpa and Mim to love you, Uncle Landon and Beth will be there for you to. We’ll be fine." Trying to reassure myself wasn’t helping much but I had to try to get myself together I had children to think of.
The weeks had passed and I was no better off than I had been from the time he had been killed. The only difference was that the days and nights had both had gotten longer and more unbearable. Grayson and Iris had wanted me to shut the house up and move in with them until at least the birth of the baby but I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving when this was where we had lived. This is where Carter was for me, the only other place that had existed was the cabin in Tennessee where we had spent a weekend together. My mind would not let go of the fact that he was gone. I had reminders of him everywhere. Pictures of us together while we were in Tennessee and on our wedding day and others of just Carter and Molly together were scattered about our home. I had been in the desk recently and found pictures of Andrea and Carter together. He had them wrapped in a stack of old cards and letters that had been carefully preserved. The last thing I had found was an envelope addressed to Molly. I had assumed it was from her mother, it remained sealed and I never bothered to open it.
I had started back to work and most days I walked around in a stupor more of a robot than a person. The only saving grace to it was that it did keep my mind occupied while I was there. It had been a month since Carter had died and no one mentioned a word about it, well except for Marilyn who always seemed to drawl her fingers down the chalk board. I had thought of a couple of things in the time period that had passed. My life needed a change; I needed to do something to make his death so meaningless.
I had spoken to Gus a couple of times and he had talked over a couple of things with me. He had advised me not to make a snap decision based on what had happened and I took it to heart. I had still frequented the academy for self defense and the firing range. It had made perfectly good sense to me but then I needed a little more time to think a few more things through.
After one of the first full days I had put in I walked into the house followed by Peirce. Quentin had become a fixture for me and the house, he still followed me everywhere. He was my age or there about anyway, slim build and fairly good looking, you would think he would have some kind of social life outside of this job. He was average height and build, solid as a rock with a no nonsense personality. He wore his copper color hair in a military cut and had dark brown eyes. He had kept his distance with me which was fine it’s the way I had wanted it.
When he had seen Landon there with Molly and Beth he turned to say goodbye and saw himself out. He was a man of few words and I liked that, the more time to be alone the better. It gave the time I needed to reflect on things. Beth had shortly made their leave and it left me with both sets of parents and Landon. For some reason they felt they needed to stay with me. Each night I would read to Molly and tuck her in as usual and kissing her good night and tonight had been no different.
I was so tired and I needed to get to bed. I had said goodnight to both sets of parents as they made their way to the other bedrooms. Landon had gone in to lay down on the couch as I walked into the bedroom. It had reminded me of the first night I had stayed with Carter bringing back those raw emotions of loss once more. All I had were memories and I had to get use to it.
Laying down I reached across the bed to where Carter had once been and turned off the light. It wasn’t going to take long to go to sleep. Regardless of the emotional roller coaster I was on, my body was not going to allow me to be awake for long. This would be one of the few times I wouldn’t be crying myself to sleep.
"Get him out of the way before he gets killed," the voice shouted. Carter stood at the doorjamb hunkered down almost to the floor with rapid fire around him. "Radio us some help or we’re all going to die." Running feet scurried away and a voice called over the radio for assistance at a makeshift warehouse in the downtown area. A shot was fired and Carter had jumped back against the frame. Reloading he hadn’t stood a chance from the shooter. As he had kicked the magazine the shot pierced his chest and a second to the side of his face. "Isabella run," he had screamed.
"Carter," I screamed, sitting straight up in bed panting like I had been in a race. I could still see his face and the blood running down his body even after I had awakened. I clutched his pillow to my chest trying to regain some control of my breathing which had become erratic and strained. My hair was wet and my clothes felt damp. Landon burst through the door followed by both sets of parents.
Landon ran to me and pulled his cell from his pocket. I couldn’t understand what was going on until I looked down at myself and the bed. "I need an ambulance at Blue Ridge Avenue. I have a woman approximately 12 weeks pregnant……I don’t know just get some one here now." Looking down I sat in a pool of blood. There was excruciating pain; in shock at what I was seeing. What was happening to me?
"Isabella, look at me," Landon coaxed me. "Hey, Bella," he patted my face until he had my attention. "You need to lay down, okay?" He assists me to lie down, "Let me help you." The rest of the family had left but Grayson. Landon had insisted on him helping having him get extra pillows and a blanket. "Isabella I need you to take some deep breaths and let me deal with this. Don’t get upset okay? I need to prop you feet up, it may not be comfortable but we need to do this." Taking my feet he holds them with one hand and places a stack of pillows under them.
"Landon please help me; please don’t let me lose this baby."
"Don’t worry I’m not going to let that happen. Close your eyes and relax for me. Grayson go see if the squad is here and let them in."
"Oh, Carter help me, Where are you? I need you," I cried and couldn’t stop.
The ambulance crew rumbled their way through the room and over to me. I couldn’t remember much more other than Landon picking me up and placing me on the cot. "I’m going with her."
"Are you the father?"
"For now, I ‘am."
As far out as I was I thought that a little strange. He followed close by me holding my hand. He pulled his cell from his pocket and quickly dialed. "Get Brooks, Now," I’d heard him shout. The ride was bumpy but I was in and out from whatever they had given me. "Donavan pull the plug…..I don’t have time to explain…… I’m on my way to the hospital with Isabella….Bad enough… Look you promised me…. We’re a brotherhood here. Pull it or I will….. I don’t care if you are….This effects more than one life…" He clapped the cell shut and run his hand across his face. "Hang in there Bella we’re almost there."
"Carter," my voice was barely above a whisper as I drifted in and out.
Landon patted my hand and kissed the top of it. "Hang in there Bella."
It was morning before I realized what was going on. I awoke to find myself on the maternity ward with Landon sitting in the chair next to me, his head resting against his propped arm and his other holding to my hand. I felt weak and tired; my hand that rested in Landon’s was white as the sheet that it lay against.
"Landon?"
He stirred and looked down at me. "Bella."
"The baby, what happened?"
"It’s okay, the baby’s okay. Just rest okay? They’re coming to do another ultrasound in a few minutes."
I drifted off into darkness once more not awakening until I found myself in a dark room with Landon and a technician. I could hear the clatter of movements behind me. There was another doctor there other than my own. He was shrouded in darkness and never spoke as Dr. Carley explained to Landon what he was looking at.
"Isabella. Just in time, look at this honey," Landon gushed at me.
Dr. Carley pointed to the space in the storm of white and gray waves. "See that? That is your baby. There’s its little heart. See it beating?" She moved the wand around a little as Landon and I watched the screen the second doctor also watched intently. Standing almost to the head of the exam table he doesn’t move. "Isabella, I hope you don’t mind, I asked Dr. Jeffers to stand in. He is in his internship here."
"No I don’t mind," I manage.
"Would you like to know the sex? We might be able to find out today if you want."
"I don’t know."
"Come on Isabella," Landon smiled over at me. "It’ll be good for you to know."
"Landon I don’t want you to think I’m cold hearted but I don’t think I want to know yet. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to carry this baby."
"Sure, I understand," his expression darkened
"I can record it for a later date if you like, if you decide later you want to know I can tell you," Dr Carley smiled down at me.
"Would you like for me to print out a picture?"
"Yes, I would like that. Thank you"
The second doctor cleared his throat and walked from the room. Landon remained watching the screen then over to me. "It’s going to be okay," he reassured. "I need to make a couple of calls, to let the parents know what’s happening and the office. I’ll meet you in the room." Bending down he kissed me on the forehead and left leaving me with Dr. Carley."
"He seems to be a happy daddy."
"That’s my brother-in-law. My husband died a couple of weeks ago; he was killed in the line of duty."
"Oh, I’m sorry."
"It’s okay, I’m trying to get use to the fact he isn’t here. Landon has been good to me, I don’t know what I would do without him."
"Sure you don’t want to know what you’re having."
I thought for a moment then I decided there was no harm in knowing. Carter would have been happy either way. She finished examining me and I was soon ready to return to my room.
"I thought I told you to stay put until I could get this resolved."
"Landon that is my wife and child in there, I deserve to be here with them."
"I’m doing my best with Brooks but you’re going to have to lay low like it or not. It’s dangerous"
Carter ran his hand through his hair after removing the surgical cap. He was dressed in scrubs, grown a beard and was wearing glasses. "You’re lucky no one has recognized you. You have to leave before someone sees you especially your wife."
"How’s she doing, really?"
"She’s okay for now. She gave me a pretty bad scare last night. I thought for sure she had miscarried. The doctor has put her on bed rest and has given her some mild sedatives to help her sleep."
"This has got to end," Carter clenched his fists at his sides. "There has to be a way out of this."
"Right now the only way out is to catch Arnell and put him away for good."
Carter, frustrated turned his back when he saw another intern walk to the area. He ran his hands through his hair now cut more in a military cut. "I need to be with my family. I could have lost my wife and child last night. Nothing is more important to me than them."
"I’ll try to work something out but for now you need to go back into hiding until he tries to come after Bella. You don’t have to worry. Peirce is still guarding her and what time he isn’t there, I am. She’s safe. Grayson has his own security team on her just because of your death. He’s fearful for them and has been there with her himself since. He knows how to handle a firearm believe me."
"Just make sure you take care of them, I can’t lose them."
"I took care of your sister, entrust me with them. I promise they will be taken care of. You better take off while you can. I’ll talk to you later."
The tech wheeled me out of the ultrasound with my picture in hand. As they wheel me out I see Landon standing outside the door with the intern standing beside him with his back to me. I can smell Carters cologne and I study the man that stands with his back to me carefully. His hair is dark and short and his shoulders broad. Looking at him he stands with his hand is propped against the wall the other bares the gleam of a gold band he wore on his left hand. He carefully placed his hand into the pocket of his scrubs and had looked down. It couldn’t be, at the funeral and now here. I had to get over this, he was gone.
"Landon," I reached for him and the intern walked away.
"I called the parents they will be in to see you later. I’ll bring Beth over later if you’re feeling up to it," he held my hand trying to comfort me and smiled.
"Wait, wait. Landon, something isn’t right."
"What do you mean? Are you having pain?"
"No, I mean there is something that doesn’t fit. It’s Carter, I feel like he is here. I felt it at the funeral and I feel it here."
His smile fell as he continued to hold my hand as we continued down the hall to my room. "Isabella you and I both know that he isn’t here. It isn’t possible."
"I smell his cologne Landon."
"It’s just cologne Isabella, dozens of men wear it."
"Not this one. I bought it for him for Christmas. It was made for him from a perfumery in Paris, it’s unique."
"Isabella,"
He’s at a loss of words and shakes his head. I know I’ve knocked him off his axis. He keeps his cool and I’m not sure if it is me. Maybe it is my imagination, I was there when they brought him in, and then again I was kept from seeing him. Landon had explained that and he had given me no cause to doubt what he had told me.
"Never mind," I waved my hand as to dismiss what I’ve said and what I’m thinking. It wasn’t possible, he was right.
"Why don’t you try to rest before the parents come in to see you? I’ll sit with you for a while until they get here. The baby’s fine that’s what’s important and you need to start eating and sleeping. Molly needs you home, she misses her mother. Close your eyes."
"Landon,"
"Ut,… Close them. That’s an order Mrs. Blake."
"Okay, Sergeant Mason," I grumbled as I closed my eyes and he chuckled.
"Behave yourself and follow orders."
I lay there quietly but I couldn’t go to sleep. My eyes remained closed and I listened to Landon’s breaths as he sat beside the bed. I knew he was watching I could feel his eyes on me as I rested. At least I had him to watch over me but he should have been home with Beth. Not that the alternative was better. Peirce would have been here sitting; over the last few weeks he had become my shadow. He took me everywhere, to the store, to work and doctor appointments. It was getting to be a common thing. You would have thought we were married. He stayed close at all times unless Landon was there then he would take time off. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Peirce, he had to be excellent at what he did or Carter wouldn’t have assigned him to security detail for his family. I wasn’t sure why he still hung around but Landon had insisted that he remained. I never knew where he stayed when he wasn’t in the house with me. He always knew my every move and was ready when I was going out the door for anything. I felt like I was being stalked. I lay there remembering the last thing he said to me that night and it broke my heart all over again. I want you to promise me something? I want you to promise me no matter what happens that you take care of yourself and the two children. It’s very important that you do that for me. I could still see him as he had spoken those words to me. I was so angry with him, he left me that night and I was still angry with him. I was never able to tell him that I was sorry. His voice echoed in my head. This is it angel, I’ll keep in contact somehow. Don’t worry, okay?" Everything will be alright I promise you. I love you. I could still hear his feet clicking on the tile floor as he had walked away.
The creak of the rocking chair beside me slowly soothed me to sleep as I lay remembering dark blue eyes and unruly dark hair. I could imagine him wrapped around me and his breath against me and his fingers laced through mine. Seeing him in my dreams, just being able to see him to touch him and talk to him just for a moment brought so much happiness for me. For that short amount of time I was there with him. I heard his laugh and felt his hand in mine.
Landon’s voice was muted as I tried to awaken. He spoke low attempting not to awaken me. I seemed to be so tired but I struggled to get awake. I could hear his shoes click off the tile as he paced the floor and talk to whoever happened to be on the other end of the line.
"I know but you can’t...... Ok….. Doing fine for now, I’m staying here until the parents come. Quentin will be here somewhere on duty after I leave……He doesn’t normally……..She doesn’t mind she knows things are delicate……..No….. I know but it can’t happen now……"
Turning over in the bed I see him pacing holding a cup of coffee in one hand and the cell in the other. When he turns he sees I’m waking and cuts his conversation short. "I have to go……Yeah…..Later."
He closed the cell and placed it in his jacket pocket, as he does I notice he’s wearing his holster. "Hey Izzy, your awake." He took his seat by the bed and sat down taking my hand as I tried to awaken, it wasn’t easy.
"Did they give me something," I asked him in a gravelly voice.
"No, you were just tired. You haven’t slept much; it’s catching up with you. Everything is fine."
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